I recently watched a movie about St Ignatius of Loyola, where he suffered from the memory of his sinful past. He accused himself relentlessly over and over, while he heard lies of despair instead of Hope in his head. He later identified the voice of despair as satan.
My confessor directed me to find were the lies were that satan was speaking to me in my life. I found sins that I would revisit and feel bad about, or times where I could only see injustice, and not the Light. Although placed there as temptations to despair, I could admit my cooperation with this way of thinking, and confess it.
I know that my Father is Love, and satan wants to separate me from the Love of my God. I think it fair to say that if there is something that makes me feel unloved by God, then the fault is mine. So I was motivated to revisit these difficult memories and find God in them. If its a forgiven sin, who am I to hold onto it. If its an injustice done to me, then I need to look for how God was present to me through that experience. I need to replace the negative feelings associated with these things, with the Truth. I have to stop listening to the mantra of evil. I can’t linger in the darkness of satan’s suggestion. I need to find these little seeds of demise, and quickly bring Light to the darkness. I need to exercise vigilance.
The movie can be found on “Formed”, and is titled “Ignatius of Loyola”.